Paying it Forward - One of the Greatest Lessons to Teach My Son

Good morning blog world!  You get to be the victim/beneficiary depending on how you look at it of my latest pregnancy symptom...random sleep patterns and minds that don't quiet!  Since Thursday night was a night from hell that resulted in about 2 total hours of sleep, I passed the heck out last night about 9 and now am up rearing to go at 5:15!  Poor Matt, he is probably in for another fun and exciting Saturday night of me being ready for bed at 8:30.

On to my actual point...Matt came in last night with a big box of 0-6 month baby boy clothes sent home with him from a dear friend at work.  Their little guy is quickly outgrowing them and their family is complete, so they have passed on a ton of baby and maternity things to us.  As I was going through all the sweet little clothes oooing and ahhhing and squealing with delight (um, hello! You should see these cute little pants with a crab on the butt baby J gets to rock!) I got a little overwhelmed.  These friends have have bestowed so much generosity on us that I don't know how we would ever be able to thank them or return the favor or even come close to it.  Laying in bed this morning, I realized that is not the point.  The point is, to pay it forward.  There will come a day when we are in the position to help newbie parents, and by doing that, I think we thank and honor those who helped us along the way.

That being said, I still want to thank my friends and family who have been so wonderful during this time.  The big things, the little things, the things people have done and said they don't even know they did...it all matters and it all helps makes this scary/exciting/joyful/scary transition in our lives a little easier.  In no particular order, these are a few of the things that have really impacted me lately, and things I want to remember to pay it forward with in the future.

• As already stated above...the hand me down's.  Someone asked me the other day if I minded used clothes and I said heck no!  There is the obvious reason that hand me downs save money, but honestly, last night I realized more than that, they are what we REALLY NEED from people who know!  I mean, so far I have bought baby J a sweet pair of board shorts, mini baby Keen like shoes, and a stack of Halloween wear in a complete guess for a size based only on how old he will be next October. (whoo! Target clearance!).  I mean, all very cute, but not practical at all.  Now, he has a stack of onsies and some Swaddle Wraps which I hear are amazing, but one of those things I don't really understand so I couldn't figure out what to buy.
• New gifts are great too..like clothes from Grandma who also knows what is practical and has a really good eye for "cute", or the favorite pack of blankets and toy from friends who are learning their way with their first son too.
• All the moms and dads out there that answer our questions even though sometimes they would fall into that category of a dumb question if there was such a thing.
• Some little gifts from my in law family that were just for me and not for the baby.
• The friend who is expecting her second son and writes a beautiful blog often filled with mommy and new mommy advice and loving words.  She may not write it directly to me, but man, sometimes it feels that way - like I got a letter in the mail!
• The busy new mom friend who called me a couple weeks ago just to let me know Safeway was having a great sale on wipes and diapers and then explained why said sale and brands were such a good deal.  She encouraged me to take advantage because that stuff adds up and while it may seem early, all the sudden the last few months can get overwhelming with what you need to finish preparing.   
• My friends who are also expecting their first children right now...always willing to share ideas, stories, feelings, excitement, etc. and to listen to me.
• The friends who don't have children yet, but check on us anyways.  They know they may not be able to relate 100% but being there still means the world.
• Friends and family who listen to us and check in on us even if it means they get to hear the same stories, worries, etc for the 1000th time :-)  The patience people have showed us with our uncertainty and anxiety has been so kind.
• The prayers that were sent our way when we went through a couple of scares.
• The Facebook world...all the "likes", comments, posts etc.  Seriously, as cheesy as it is, not every friend on Facebook is someone you get to see or interact with in your everyday life, but the kindness people show with encouragement on a silly Halloween picture, or the 10th single track minded pregnancy post I have written all mean a lot and all lift me up.
• The last one for now, to my husband.  If I can help teach our son to be 1/4 the man he is, we are golden.  There is no one who is more patient, loving, or kind to me and the little guy.  The last few months have been joyful, but sometimes hard too.  When I experienced some complications that forced me to slow down, thus slowing down the pace and excitement level of his life too he never once complained.  He lifts me up when I worry or struggle with the weight gain or feeling sick.  He also tolerates my random mood swings like a champ :-)

So, thank you to all my friends and family who have armed me with a great lesson to teach my son...to pay it forward.  He may not understand for awhile, but as he grows out of his clothes, or when a holiday comes and he gets new toys, we will take some of his loved toys to the shelter or to Goodwill, or to a new baby that has come into our life and he will hear me talking to him about it and eventually he will understand my words and the actions taken, and he will learn the importance of being on both ends of generosity.  And as he grows to adulthood , hopefully he will be a friend or family member people know they can turn to when they are in need.

Things I Wish I Had Known About Pregnancy (or at least the first trimester!)

Well, hello there blog!  It has only been 20 months since my last visit!  I do have to say I thought about posting a million times during the comedy show that was our engagement and wedding planning, but I always got distracted or lazy.  So basically over the last 20 months life has consisted of moving in with Matt, getting engaged, getting married, and now getting pregnant.  YES all you math doers it was in that order :-)

So, it is this whole being knocked up thing that has brought me back to the blog.  I have always considered myself to be very educated on pregnancy, women's health, etc. but boy was I wrong!!!  Here are some things I wish I wish someone had told me about this little adventure called pregnancy, specifically the first trimester. (Note: I am by no means a doctor, an expert, or anything other than some hormone ravaged chick who has been pregnant for like 3 months for the first time...take ALL of this with a grain of salt.  These are my observations relevant only to my life and my pregnancy as I have experienced it.)

1.  Do NOT convince yourself it "will take awhile" to get pregnant.

I somehow got it in my mind a long long time ago it was going to take me awhile to get pregnant..like at least a year.  Imagine my shock when this happened 6 weeks after my wedding.  (Do not judge my 4 tests)

That being said...no matter how shocked/terrified I may have been I am so grateful.  I know there are many mamas to be out there that have had a tough road getting to see that positive test or are still waiting to see it, so please don't think I am being flippant.

2. The decision on when to tell people you are pregnant belongs to you and your partner and to you alone...

I could write a freaking novel on this one.  This has been by far the element of pregnancy I was the least prepared for.  Matt and I were excited/shocked/etc and are both pretty open books about our lives so we  verbal vomited our news really really early to a lot of people...pretty much to everyone we saw in person.  We experienced a ton of love and support, but also a few really judgmental and to me painful comments.  Imagine my shock when someone I thought was a friend looked at me in disgust when I said I was only 5 weeks along and said "oh so you are actually not really even pregnant yet?"  I got out of politics for a reason, so my blog is not a place I want to have a discussion about when life begins. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions on that, I get that, but boy, I sure wasn't ready for that one.  I guess I always thought when someone told you they were pregnant you just said congrats.  I heard those whispers, snickers, and saw the scrunched up faces and let it bother me for awhile, but them I remembered something my cousin said...which was that she told people right away because she wanted that baby to be filled with love, good vibes, prayers, etc and if it were not to work out, she would want that love and support directed to her and her husband and I realized that is how I felt.

It is not wrong to tell people early, just as it is not wrong to wait if that is what feels right to you.  It is normal to crave advice, support, friendship, and love during this crazy change, and if it were to sadly not work out because nature had a different plan, that would NOT be shameful and you have nothing to be embarrassed about.

3.  Do NOT go to the Chandler Regional ER....(obviously if you have an emergency you should probably go)

That is unless you want a diagnosis of "we can't tell you what is happening to you" or some 50 year old PA guy who I am pretty sure has never even talked to a woman let alone a terrified, crying, pregnant one tell you he "can't really answer that" when you ask if the treatment he wants to give you will harm your unborn child.  If you like paying a lot of money to go to the ER on a holiday and get no answers, then by all means go, but my goodness, hell will freeze over before I ever step my pregnant ass back in that place.

4.  Morning sickness is not just in the morning, nor does it always mean what you think it means.

Who knew...you can feel like you are going to barf all day long, run down the hall to the bathroom and dry heave 10 times a day, but never actually throw anything up.

You can also be peacefully eating your dinner and then like mid chew of a bite violently turn against the food you are eating and want to never ever see it again.

Your favorite things (hello coffee!) can become your nemesis.

Your house will stink like a foul foul beast that makes you want to vomit...you will clean the kitchen, throw half your food away only to have your husband walk in the door and say "I don't smell anything"

My number 1 advice...DO NOT LET YOUR STOMACH GET EMPTY.....keeping something in there is the key to keeping this crazy phenomena at bay.

5.  Period symptoms can be normal!

Another big time who knew for me...cramping like your period is coming and spotting, especially in those early weeks can be totally normal.  Disclaimer---you should ALWAYS have this one checked out by your doctor, but don't go into full blown panic mode if these things happen. (see number 3)

6. This sh&% is hard, and if they tell you it is not they are lying.

All those ladies out there that talk about how magical and amazing pregnancy is and post 1 million posts on Facebook about how in love with pregnancy they are are liars.  There I said it.

Pregnancy is all those things...amazing really, but it is also really really hard.  No one ever told me that, or at least in a way that prepared me.  Your body gets taken over really fast.  You don't feel like yourself physically or mentally.  Things you used to do no problem, now kick your ass.  I'm not saying it isn't for a greater good...of course it is!  But man, getting up and going to work can be rough, trying to stay active and exercise when all you want to do is sleep can be brutal, trying to be social and have fun in a crowd while getting used to your new lifestyle of no cocktails can be difficult.  (OK, maybe that last one is just me, but man I miss my wine!)

Anyways, my point is again...ladies, no shame in admitting it's tough!  There is no need to fool our fellow moms to be into thinking it's all rainbows and roses.  And if it really was for you...well damn you ;-)

I have heard the second trimester rocks....so I reserve the right to become a rainbows and roses preggo lady.

7. Stay away from Dr. Google

I did not take my own advise on this one, in fact my husband threatened to change our wireless password at one point.  I had some issues early on and basically convinced myself the worst was happening.  It did no one any good.  Find a good doctor and trust them and then trust that nature knows what it is doing.  The best thing you can do for yourself and the baby is keep your mind in a positive place.  Easier said than done...I know.

8.   PMS has nothing on pregnancy crazy.

I really feel like Matt should write this section as he has been the number one victim of my insanity.  Seriously, I can't help it...it is totally Jekyll and Hyde.   One minute your are euphoric, the next sobbing for no apparent reason.

I'll end with one little funny that came from my favorite guy...one morning after I had gone to bed in a fit of anger for no real reason (I am pretty sure it was the day I "thought" he was implying I should empty the dishwasher) right when I woke up:

Matt:  "Good news honey!  I read in my Dad book last night after you passed out you don't REALLY hate me!"

Be still my heart.  There couldn't be a truer statement...I am so beyond blessed to have the supportive, kind, and funny husband that I do.

Fired Up...Time to get a little political

So, I am sitting at my desk working away on some stuff at work, and decided to take a little news break.  Unfortunately, that means I got to read this crap:

http://www.azcentral.com/community/phoenix/articles/2010/12/15/20101215phoenix-bishop-st-josephs-hospital.html

There is so much to say about this...so much.  I feel like I could rant on almost every sentence, but I will try to summarize.  The Bishop of the Catholic Diocese of Phoenix has decided that he wants to take away the "Catholic" Status of St. Joseph's hospital, one of the best hospitals in the nation, I might add, because in 2009 the ethics board decided to allow an abortion of an 11 week old fetus to save the life of the mother (who, happens to have other children).  As a result of that incident he has also tried to demonize and has excommunicated Sister Margaret,  the nun who was on call for the ethics hearing that night, who my family has happened to know for years.

I am going to back up a bit....for those of you who happen to be reading who don't know I am a cradle Catholic.  I was born and raised in the church, went every Sunday, religious ed classes, summer camp, grace every night, etc etc.  Both sides of my family come from Catholic backgrounds.  My Grandfather sat on the financial board of the diocese for years, and used to be a board member of the hospital.  I'm not sure my other Grandmother ever missed a Sunday mass....so I know Catholic.  I also know that this sort of crap is exactly why as a 30 year old I am no longer a practicing member of the church.

I am so mad right now I can't see straight or collect my thoughts, so I may write again later, but two things are making me nuts.

1. The way Sister Margaret has been demonized is atrocious.  The way she has handled herself is a beautiful example of grace, dignity, and strength.
If you have never met her, I will tell you she is funny, smart as a whip, loyal, a good friend, and a dedicated servant to her religion and that hospital. 

2. Bishop Olmsted is OUT OF CONTROL.  His ego is so out of control it is unbelievable to me.  I mean really...some quotes:

"There cannot be a tie in this debate," Olmsted wrote. "Until this point in time, you have not acknowledged my authority to settle this question."

WHAT???  YOUR authority to settle this question.  I am sorry, but we do not need your authority to make health care decisions.  These should be made by the individual and I don't know maybe by trained medical professionals!!!!  I missed the M.D. after your name bish, oh wait, that is right, it is not there.

More...dang, can't copy and paste, but feel free to read this doozy of a letter that he sent to the hospital threatening to take away their status if they don't comply with his demands by Friday.

http://www.azcentral.com/ic/community/pdf/bishopletter.pdf

My favorite part of the letter... the end where he calls himself the "chief shepherd of the Diocese of Phoenix" and basically demands they do what he says. NEWS FLASH BISHOP!!!!  YOU ARE NOT GOD.
 
I know this has been a mish mash of thoughts, but I will end by saying this:  In my opinion, the desire of the Catholic church to control the lives of its members, especially its female members is why so many people are leaving the church.  There is no room for error, no room for forgiveness, no room for a thought even the slightest bit away from church doctrine.   It is disappointing, there are so many good Catholics out there, even great open minded churches like The Casa in Phoenix, but as long as the Catholics decide that people like Olmsted are allowed to be in positions of leadership and power, I am going to stay away.  I have my faith and my spirituality, and the God I know does not judge like this, not at all.

I'm now going to sign off and make a call to CHW in support of St. Joe's, its employees and what they do for our community.  If you want to do the same, this is the number: (415) 438-5500.  Ask for Tricia. 

Adventures in Biking and Finding My Inner 2 Year Old

Hello blog!  I forgot about you for awhile....oopps....typical.  Don't have much of an attention span sometimes!  Anyway, not much going on it my world out of the ordinary except my "training" for the Tour De Tucson this weekend.  Matt and his Dad have participated in the race for awhile and this year invited me to come along.  They are quite hardcore bikers and will be doing the 66 mile race, while I will be lucky to finish the 40 miles I have signed up for.
So, due to the upcoming race, Matt and I have spent the past two Sunday's going on "long" rides.  24 miles two weeks ago, and 28 this past Sunday during which time I have discovered that there is still a 2 year old living inside of me, and crashing on my bike is what brings her back out!  Two Sundays ago I couldn't unclip my pedal correctly and ate some massive shit in Matt's front yard.  Luckily this was AFTER the ride when normal people like Matt were putting theirs bikes away and getting cleaned up.  Not me!  I managed to end up in a heap of bike, dirt, blood, and tears in the front yard and needed Matt to untangle me.  I am still sporting a nice bike gear gash up the back of my calf.
Now...on to this past Sunday....I was nervous, did NOT want to crash again, and worried I couldn't keep up with Matt, etc.  We headed out, and about 4 miles from the house I see Matt stopped waiting for me to catch up.  I come rolling up and once again "forget" (or the damn thing is a piece of crap that doesn't work!!) to unclip my left shoe again before attempting to stop.  This leads to me toppling over in slow motion and ending up on the ground attached to the bike AGAIN.  Damn.  So, I do what most normal 30 year olds do.  Got up, kicked the bike, stomped my foot, freaked out about my skinned knee and burst into tears.  Then I sat on the curb and left my bike in the road.  It wasn't until a car of teenage boys pulled over to see if I was ok did I snap out of it and realize I was throwing a massive temper tantrum. 

Teenagers: "Woa, is she ok??"
Matt: "Yeah, yeah she is fine...thanks"
Me: "I AM NOT FINE!!!!!!!!!  I HATE MY BIKE"
Teenagers: "Um...man, are you sure???"
Me: snapping out of my insanity and jumping up from the curb...."uh, uh, yeah, I am ok, just a klutz"
Matt: cupping my face with his hands now in "tough love" voice...."Get up, get on your bike and we are going to practice unclipping...this HAS to stop happening"

Well, thankfully Matt knows me better than I know myself sometimes and him getting all tough made me pissed enough to get back on the bike and bang out the next 24 miles with no problems.  In fact, it turned out to be a great ride.  The funny thing to me is how INSANELY frustrated I got.  I mean, I really wanted to chuck that damn bike into oncoming traffic, which is very out of character...but maybe not.  I wonder if that terrible twos kid still lives in all of us sometimes???

Here is to hoping I stay in one piece on Saturday.  Matt won't be with me b/c he will be riding the longer course, so I am a little nervous, but I put a first aid kit in my backpack, so hopefully I'll be just fine!

Getting Outsmarted By a 2 Year Old and Breaking Into My Own House

Thankfully the weather has pretty much stopped sucking here in AZ and it is now bearable to be outside.  That means this past weekend was filled with outdoor activities.  I am sporting both a rocking cycling shirt sleeve and a mean bike short tan line to prove it.

So, on Saturday, I agreed to babysit my 4 month old and 2 year old cousins.  Friday night when I couldn't sleep b/c I was so anxious about my ability to keep them alive and happy I was trying to decide if I had been drunk when I made such a decision.  Turned out I wasn't.  Thankfully my sister was free and she came and helped me take them down to watch Matt ride in the Tour de Fat.  It was a good thing Katie was there b/c I quickly proved to myself that I can only focus on one kid at a time!  After that we went back to Matt's house and had lunch and played with the kids until it was time for them to go back to their mama.

At lunch  I learned a pretty interesting lesson.....that two year old's can count to 3!  Who knew?   Bradley was distracted with all the fun things to get into at Matt's house like trucks and rocks and dirt and climbing out of the back of his chair at the table and was struggling to focus on lunch.  I thought it would be a good idea to bribe him with a cookie if he ate a few more bites of his kiddo ravioli.  3 to be exact.  So, I start feeding him and talking about the cookie and he actually eats...great!  I am a genius!   That is of course until I try to sneak in bite #4, get a finger wagged at me and told "Sarah...no...3 bite...COOKIE!!"  I tried to convince him a few more wouldn't hurt and immediately got shut down as he started pointing at the container of cookies which were in his eyesight....I looked to Matt and Katie for support and got two sets of shrugged shoulders and a "well, you did say three".  Note to self.: 10 is a better number of bites if you don't want a kid to get a sugar rush!  All in all, the kids were great and a lot of fun.  If they are all that sweet and easy, I could probably handle one of my own...someday....when I grow up :-)

Sunday, Matt and I rode our bikes to The Farm at South Mountain for brunch and back.  That place is a must see for all you Arizonans out there if you have not been there.  Although, at $18 each, they are a little too proud of their food.  It was good though.  And, after 21 miles on the bike I was really glad I invested $25 into a pair of padded diaper-like bike shorts. 

In the afternoon I was back at my house and accidentally locked myself out trying to load up some stuff for Goodwill.   Could not get a hold of anyone who has a key and was totally annoyed that I did it, so I tried to think of an alternate way to get in.  Remembered I had the doggie door and decided to go for it.  I managed not to break anything jumping the fence, and after some squirming I made it in the house!  I was quite proud of myself but noted that it was a bit of a tight squeeze in the rear area and I should probably work on that!  As I was crawling in I get greeted by my dogs.  Max decided to "yell" and growl at me for a good 2-3 minutes before he accepted that it was me, and Maggie, who is actually big enough to possibly be intimidating to an intruder ran into her crate crying.  So, pretty much I learned just about anyone can get into my house and my dogs are sucky watchdogs.  Thank God for alarms.

That is about it for weekend adventures for me.  How about everyone else?  

20 Things Everyone Should Know About Me

So...I was thinking I should start the blog with a little bit of info about me, so here goes.

1. My name is Sarah Elizabeth and I am 30 years old.

2. I have one sister. We are as different as two people can be, but as adults we have discovered that we are great friends.

3. I am an adult child of divorce. My parents separated when I was almost 29 years old. I have a lot to say about that. A lot. For now, I will say that it has greatly changed the path of my own life, changed the way I view the world and relationships, and dare I say it...I think in the long run will be a blessing for me and my family. Sometimes it takes some nasty pain to grow.

4. The only reason I can look at #3 the way I do is because I spent a great deal of time on a couch. I am pro therapy. Everyone should do it. I truly believe working on oneself actively is a huge key to happiness.

5. I do not like the victim mentality. I believe we are all able to control our own happiness through work and proper changes to our lifestyle. Life does not happen to me, I happen to it!

6. I love dogs and always intend to have them in my home. I just don't always love the dogs I have...Max, a 7 year old, 7lb Yorkie-poo who has an attitude problem best illustrated by the fact that he pees on other dogs' heads when they annoy him. Maggie--a 1.5 year old psycho mutt. My sister rescued her from God knows where and I....well, rescued her from my sister. She is on anxiety pills, is quite destructive, afraid of EVERYONE and everything but I don't get rid of her because she is sweet. I can't imagine there will ever be anything that loves me more than Maggie loves me. She gets peed on by Max a lot.

7. I am single as in not married, but not single as in not dating someone. Since the end of 2009 I have been dating Matt. I will spare you all a list of the reasons why I love him, that would just cause people to throw up in their mouths a little. I will say this....he is hands down one of the best people I have ever known. He makes me laugh a hundred times a day and he works hard to communicate with me. For that, I am thankful every single day that he came into my life at a dark time for me, and even more thankful that my best friend told me to get my head out of my ass and go for it with him.

8. I would rather spend every extra penny I have on traveling than on things like clothes, shoes, purses, fancy cars, houses, etc. I LOVE to travel and have high hopes of seeing more of the world throughout my life.

9. I used to be quite overweight and still struggle everyday not to see myself as a fat person.

10. I love to eat...especially pizza. I love to cook and try new things. I am a total foodie. See...#9, now you know why!

11. I also have learned to love to exercise. Preferably outside. I love hiking more than anything, I find peace wondering a trail. I also love yoga and will be forever grateful to the practice for keeping me sane during 2009. I also like to swim and ride a bike. Do not like to run. Yuck.

12. I have 2 tattoos. When most people were busy getting drunk and hooking up in college, the craziest thing I ever did was permanently some flowers on my lower back...aka, the tramp stamp. My dad told me I was an idiot and my mom had to lie down and put a cloth on her head. I have heard a rumor that my dad now has a tattoo too....hmmmm....ironic? Tattoo #2 came on a lonely, sad night 3 weeks after my parents separated. It is the symbol for Om. In that moment I did not think there was any other way to achieve balance than tattooing its symbol on my body. I should probably learn how to deal with stress better than inking my skin! Oh well!

13. I am Type A...borderline on sometimes too anal and sometimes OCD. Case in point, this blog. Spent about 3 hours yesterday looking at Blogger and Wordpress, stressing out about format. Why?? Who the hell knows. It is a freaking blog that no one is making me do. Hell, I don't know if anyone will even read it. I can be a real freak sometimes.

14. I love music..just about any and all music.

15. I work at my family's business. That can be a good and a bad thing. Overall, I love it and it has given me the lifestyle I want.

16. I used to work in politics. I left because I didn't feel passionate about the cause. I felt like I didn't have a home as a social liberal but a fiscal conservative. I lost repect for the GOP b/c I felt they were too focused on other people's business...ie: who sleeps with who and what women decide to do with their bodies.

17. I love to read, but don't have enough time to do it.

18. I hope to be a mom someday, but need to get over my aversion to pregnancy. I find it weird. Ever since I saw my little cousin's hand through my aunt's belly I have been all freaked out alien style. I have issues.

19. I like swear words.

20. I have always daydreamed about being an author. I would love to write some sort of real life, humor book. Think Eat, Pray, Love, but funny and not full of self indulgent bullshit. Maybe this blog will be a start on the way to realizing that dream.

What am I doing here??

So, for some unknown reason I have decided that I want a blog. Actually, I think it is because my brain is craving a creative outlet. I have a good job, some days are interesting, some days are not. It is like any other job. However, in the years since college I have at different times felt the need to exercise my brain a little more than usual. This is one of those times. A month ago I joined a book club, which is great, and a welcome way to combine critical thought with my love of reading, but we only meet once a month. That led me to think that I should explore blogging. I like to read other people's blogs, I have gotten some good ideas for travel and cooking, etc through them, and I love the way to keep in touch with people who do not live so close to me.

So..we'll see where this goes. Maybe I will write a lot, maybe it will be one and done. Who the heck knows. So, not sure it will be anything interesting, but enjoy reading. And if you have a blog, tell me what it is! I need more to look at in this "dashboard" thing.