Hello blog...well, once again, I have been absent for a long time and did not keep up with maintaining the blog. I had meant to be diligent about documenting my pregnancy, but alas, it was not meant to be. In a way, that is OK I'll just go ahead and say it...I didn't particularly enjoy pregnancy. It was actually a very challenging and stressful time for me, both physically and mentally, so I am glad it is over. That is not to say it was not an amazing experience, but I am certainly glad to be done with the morning sickness, Pubic Symphysis Disorder, and all of the other weird things that happen to you while you grow a human. Mostly, I am glad to be past the mental stress. For a still unknown reason, I bled on and off for 9 months. This led to countless doctors appointments, a whopping 9 ultrasounds, 3 trips to the ER, and one overnight hospital stay at week 34. Thank my lucky stars nothing was every really wrong with me or the baby, but the constant worry is not something I miss. Yes, I think I will forever live in a state of worry now that he is here, but it is different than being afraid I would never meet him.
But, of course, thankfully we did get to meet him and what a joy he has been! Andrew Charles (aka Andy, aka Mr. Baby, aka Nugget) was born 1 month ago on March 8th at exactly high noon. He was 7 lbs 9.5 oz and 21.5 inches long. I guess I should update this tomorrow with his official one month stats from the doctor, but I know he is well over 10 lbs now and somewhere around 23 inches. Newborn clothes are being packed up, 3 month clothes are being worn and the car seat got adjusted up a notch today, so I know all I need to know, he is growing for sure!
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He is alert, active, and already fighting sleep. He likes to eat, have a bath, suck on his pacifier - Paco - stolen from the Hawkins family :-), be outside, and go in the car. He does not like when the car stops at a red light, socks, when mommy or daddy are slow to pick Paco up when he chucks it on the ground, or being swaddled to where he can't get his hands out. So far, he is really calm and not very fussy. A very gentle soul. We sure our counting our blessings for that and fingers are crossed that it lasts.
So, after a month of this mommyhood thing, I am starting to feel like I am getting the hang of it. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel that shines on the day this will be old hat and things will come easier, sleep won't be missed as much, and maybe we'll be so efficient we won't be late to everywhere we go! We are not quite there yet, but unlike in week two when I was pretty sure I was doomed for mommy failure, I can now feel us settling into our new normal and feel confidant in our skills as parents.
So one month in I have a few random observations/feelings I want to share:
1. Everyone is right, this is a love you never knew existed.
2. Watching the man you love be a good father to your son is one of the very best feelings in the world, and watching your son respond to him and love him back is an even better feeling.
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3. There is such an amazing "mommy" community out there to lift us newbies up. All of the messages on FB, texts, cards, etc from friends - old and new have been such a blessing to me. I have heard from people I have been out of touch with or don't even know well with little tidbits of advice or just a note of encouragement. It has meant the world. I am so blessed to be lifted up that way by those who have been there before.
4. There is also a not so amazing mommy community out there. These are the people that think they need to and have the right to judge others. Luckily, I haven't been too much of a victim of this, but I have seen it, and felt it enough in the early days to worry about certain decisions I made. There is an opinion out there for everything - how we deliver our babies, how we feed them, how we immunize them, how we put them to sleep, how we "attach" to them, etc, etc, etc. As women, I think we really need to start supporting each other, no matter what each person's decisions may be on any given parenting topic. Every mother wants to raise a happy, healthy child, and most likely is doing the very best she can to do so. Why not lift her up rather than judge her?
5. While I was pregnant there was a blog that went viral about moms not taking pictures with their kids. My friend Jennie also wrote a great blog post about the issue too and I remember promising myself I would make it a goal to "be in the picture" with Andy. Well, up until yesterday that was a big fail. There are pictures of me on his birthday and a couple from our first trip to the park on day 3, two shots of me with Matt and him from newborn photo shoot, and that is it. Hundreds of the baby, many with him and Matt, a ton with other family members, and hardly any of me, and even less of me alone with him. It has been on my mind a little bit, I've wondered why no one has really asked me to be in a picture, or why I haven't made it on any of the ones on our camera playing around shooting at home, but the fact that I look like I got punched in both eyes from being so tired and the extra 20 pounds I am carrying thus making yoga pants pretty much the only thing I wear have kept me from pressing the issue or even wanting to take a photo. That was until Friday night. I got cut off on the freeway when I was out alone running an errand and started to panic. What if I died or something happens to me, there would hardly be any record of me in Andy's life. That poor boy would have very little to show him I loved him and that we were together. I know that is morbid, and silly, and probably hormonal, but it bugged me, so yesterday when I had gotten ready for a friend's baby shower I asked Matt to take our picture. I of course looked at it and immediately tore myself down (hello black circles under the eyes and back fat!) and then I remembered that is the whole point, us moms need to stop beating ourselves up and I chose to look at it differently ..now I see what is really there, a joy in my eyes I have never felt before, a tiredness in those eyes because I lovingly spend half the night nursing, rocking, and changing my little guy, extra weight because I carried him for nine months and am still recovering from his birth and haven't even been cleared for exercise yet, and a little boy, curled up, peacefully sleeping with a content look and maybe even the start of a smile on his face holding onto his mama, the only one he's got, so I'm using this as my reminder to stay in the picture and be a part of Andy's recorded life as much as everyone else.
One month down, what a ride it has been. I can't wait to watch this little guy develop and grow. I am so lucky to be his mom.
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